"A lot of Mad Masters": Loving God in a World of Idols.

So this was the title to the church student weekend away I went to this weekend. As I headed off in my little car on Friday evening to the comfortable and familiar surroundings of Quinta House, I guess I thought as a member of the team, no longer a student and someone who sat through a week long Relay conference all about idols,I'd heard it all before and I'd confronted the idols that there are in my life! Plus, I was helping to lead a seminar on the idolatry of sex and relationships so I must have it all sorted through right, what kind of person would lead a seminar on something that hadnt even figured out for themselves?! So, as I sat through the weekend God gave me a bit of a slap in the face! An idol is anything that we put above God, that we see as more important and choose to serve and worshipe before we serve and worship God. There are so many things that I daily choose to centre my life and choices on. As a human I am designed to worship, each one of us is made to worship something so if we choose not to worhsip God then we are turning our worship to something else. What I saw over the weekend and have now had time to reflect on, is that those other things, apart from God, will always be fleeting in comparison. God is our mighty creator, they are all merely created by Him or often even by the work of our own hands. So if you choose to reject God, to deny Him or not recognise Him then that doesnt stop you from being a worshipper, it just means you've chosen to worship something else.
During church homegroup last night we looked at Isaiah 2 and the ways in which Judah had taken the seemingly lofty things, big and impressive things and chosen to trust in them. The things they had had made them proud and arrogant, believing that these impressive things made them safe and placing their hope and trust in them and away from God. They swapped God for mere created objects!! When we look at who God actually IS, the things He has made and created, the world He has blessed us with and couple that with the fact that he has created us to be in a relationship with Him, how can we turn to worship other things? They really are a bunch of Mad Masters in comparison, just mere pieces of wood or clay, or pieces of gold and silver; what are they in comparison to an all powerful and totally loving God?!?!
I can recognise the security that I often seek to find in other things. As I have mentioned many times before I do long for a relationship. My struggle with being single is wrong in the sense that I am trusting that a relationship will bring security, that in marriage I will be safe and free from the hardships of this world. I am placing all my hope and trust in mere man who was created by God "who have but a breath in their nostrils!" This does not mean to see that the things that we desire and want are inherently bad, they are often good, God-given blessings. It is when we recognise these things as being more important than God or that we centre our lives on them that we have a problem! As I continue to battle on I recognise that my desire for marriage is not wrong but that it needs to be kept in perspective. I must make a choice in every day of my life: will I serve my idol of marriage or will I choose to serve God?Will I serve my idol by fuelling thoughts about THAT guy and putting him on a pedestool or will I serve God and put my trust in Him over and above all things? Will I serve my idol by flirting and trying to be something I'm not or will I serve God by seeking to serve that guy as my brother in Christ and encouraging him in his masculinity? Will I take hold of the "life that is truly life!"
I have seen in past days that my attitude towards God is often key. I often struggle in that I complain to God for the things that I do not have, yet I fail to recognise the great blessings that He HAS given me!! My attitude to God is at the centre of what my relationship with Him will be like and as I have sought to be more grateful and praise Him, I have seen this attitude change and my relationship deepen.

"Gratitude is important because it has the power to change our attitude. When we are willing to give thanks to God in ALL things, not just some things - to consciously thank him even when we don't feel grateful - something in us begins to shift. We begin to see life as Christ sees it, full of opportunities rather than obstacles. And when we view life through eyes of faith, fear just has to flee!"

Joanna Weaver

When we see God as we should we see life as we should. Difficulties and struggles become opportunities to know God better and experience his love more, to know the truth more fully and learn what it really means to persevere. A challenge: in the next 7 days make a conscience effort to praise God 5 times in the day, however you feel and whatever is going on, PRAISE HIM!

Same Singleness Struggle

This time last year I was preparing for a week away in the Herefordshire countryside with 60 or so other Relay Workers to study the book of Hosea and to learn more about the wonders of Gods grace. Little did I know then how much God would teach me about His grace during that week and how I needed to put it into action in my life. I was challenged greatly as we studied Hosea to look at the many idols there were in my life, ones that were so deeply imbedded in my life that they effected the decisions that I made, and my value and worth was reliant upon them rather than rooted in God and His grace. I recognised then that the major idol in my life at that time was marriage, expecting that a relationship would fulfill me and in it I would truely find joy. So, where am I a year on?? Well, guess what, im still struggling being single and marriage is still a major idol! My struggles still stem from a need to find my value and worth in other people rather than in God. Listening to this helped:

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/AskPastorJohn/ByTopic/45/3462_How_can_I_long_to_be_married_without_obsessing_about_it/

John Piper reminds us that our longing comes from the fact the we have too small a view of God, of His greatness, His love, His mercy and His true sufficiency and as long as that is the case there will be large holes to fill in our souls. Large holes that we attempt to fill by churning out our unhealthy desires. So whats the answer; delight yourself in the Lord! Piper goes on to say that that isnt just a key we can turn or something we can just switch on but something that comes from focusing all our love and desires on Him alone. Its all consuming so there is no room for any other, the holes are filled and filled with Him alone. Now I get that, I totally do, but I still find it hard to believe that I can ever really get there. I feel frustrated by the fact that in many ways I am still where I am a year ago with the same struggles and fears for my future. Reading from another website also revealed to me much of where I am going wrong!

"Much of our struggle with singleness may well have to do with our constant introspection; we spend much of our time pitying ourselves."

"Wouldn’t we rather that our husbands find us pursuing the core of our being, the essence of our God-given personality and character, rather than existing in a state of complacency or practicality? I am not advocating irresponsible pursuit of our dreams, but we should seek out who God made us to be and the talents he has given us. Search out how those can line up with his kingdom work and your vocation. Interestingly, when we are where God would have us, these are one and the same, whether in corporate America or third-world missions work. Remember, our ministry field is anywhere God has placed us."

http://www.singlenessredefined.com/excerpts.html

I recognise my introspection and I do get frustrated by it. I know that I often use God and my prayers to Him as a means to attain happiness in other things. The challenge is to use the things that are in my life, the blessings that He has given me and placed in my life, to attain happiness and contentment in God! At the beginning of this New Year, after hearing a sermon at church on what our priorities should be for the year ahead, I long for my heart and life to be focused on glorifying God, serving him, loving others and growing in holiness. God has given me great and wonderful gifts and I should praise Him for them rather than complain about what I don't have. I love to cook, to bake, to be hospitable, to spend time in the company of others sharing what God is doing and speaking truth into the lives of others. I don't have to be married to be able to cook for others so I should seek to be using the gifts and passions that God has given me to serve Him and others in a way that glorifys Him and not myself. (This, by the way, does not mean that you, the web based blog reading world are invited to my house for dinner immeadiately.) I don't have to be married to enjoy the company of others and to share and be open with them. I don't have to be married to speak of God's greatness. God has put me where I am and He does have great plans for my life that are over and above any that I can create for myself. His ways are higher, His ways are greater and His ways are PERFECT, no matter how much I think I might do better myself.
So, I may not have it all worked out. My view of God may continue to be too small so that I seek fulfillment in other places. I may still day dream and wonder about one day being married and seek to discover who that potential spouse may be. But I know that I must offer my dreams to God with open hands, not closed fists, and seek to know Him, love Him, glorify Him and delight in Him all the more so that I will be devoted to Him.

God is still God and the Gospel is still true

Its the middle of september and I'm in my 3rd week of real work post-Relay and I'm finding this phrase from Relay 3 one that I am constantly having to remind myself of. Working in the "secular" world is so different from the experience of Relay. Life is more structured and seemingly mundane, theres little excitement and no constant discipleship, which to be honest I am totally missing (not missing you as such JB just the contact and knowing that there is always someone there to help me through the hard things I'm learning and disciple me through them if you get what I mean). Lots is going on with those around me, hard, difficult and painful things that make you stand up and face the pain and suffering there is in this fallen world and the lack of constant contact with other Christians with lots of contact with the secular world is seemingly taking its toll. As I attempt to serve those around me, put them first and show them love all I seem to do is see more of my own selfishness and sin. I so often fail at being a good friend and showing others that I love them and at the end of the day I beat myself up about the fact that I wasted that opportunity or didn't say this when I had the chance. But then I hear this phrase:

"God is still God and the gospel is still true"

Even though I left those opportunities, even though I put myself first at that point and even when put myself in the place of God because of the truth of the gospel God does not condemn me. In the gospel I find grace and that grace sets me free from the condemnation of sin, at the cross those sins were paid for! As I see more and more the depths of my own sin and then remind myself of grace, I can only rejoice more fully in what Christ has achieved. I have no reason to condemn myself because when God looks at me he does not see that sin, he sees Christ. I am fully justified at the cross. My battle with sin is a daily one. But as I read over Romans 8 the other day I was once again amazed at God's grace as I saw that through Christ not only am I made righteous but I am more than a conqueror over sin! Day to day sin is a battle but because of Christ's death on the cross that battle is already won!!!!

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
'For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.
No, in all these things we are MORE than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

ROMANS 8:35-39

I'll Praise You in This Storm

Life is hard sometimes. There is lots going on in life at the moment and much of it is pretty difficult. Its painful, hard to understand and its brought me to my knees if I'm honest. I realise at times like this how weak I am, how I can't cope on my own. So what do you do when life knocks you to your knees? Well its then that you are in the best position to pray! Its in those times that I'm learning more and more to look to Christ, knowing that he has endured so much more than I ever could. Knowing that in my weakness he is still strong, and he remains so forever, he will not change. I am learning that the only way to combat the Devil's lies and the things that life throws at me is to depend fully on my loving and gracious God! Real comfort is found when I recognise that I am held in the hand of the One who created me and all things, who rules and holds together all things. When my identity is rooted in God, when I depend on him, this storm will not and can not blow me away. I will praise him because he is the source of all comfort and compassion.

I was sure by now that You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen," and its still raining

As the thunder rolls I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God that gives
And takes away

I'll Praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You herd my cry, You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone How can I carry on If I can't find you

As the thunder rolls I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God that gives
And takes away

I'll Praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes into the hills, where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes into the hills, where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth

I'll Praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm

Casting Crowns "I'll Praise You in This Storm"

Its about sacrifice!

Once again it has been far too long since I last blogged and so much has happened in that time. I have returned from my easter break that was so greatly needed after things were so crazy and hectic last term. It was so good to spend some time chilling out, reflecting on the term gone by and looking ahead to the final term of Relay (sad times!)

One of the biggest things that I have been learning recently has been about making sacrifices so that God may be glorified. I have been struggling in my walk with God, often feeling angry towards him regarding particular situations in my life and not helping to take things away. I know thats because once again I am focusing so much more on me than I am on him. I look to my own selfish desires and seek to satisfy them. This quote really helped:

'God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him!' (John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life)

Theres my problem! I continually seek satisfaction from other places and not from God. God is going to be most glorified in my life when I am more satisfied in him than any other thing and yet I continue to look to other things to satisfy me. What more joy could be found than in having a relationship with the great and awesome Creator of the Universe?? Than to be known and loved by him? And yet I continue to look to other things. What I see so clearly though is that short term satisfaction won't work out for the best in the long run! Sacrificing things can often be painful and really tough but the long term gain far outweighs the pain. We have to be obdient to God first and foremost and recognise that his glory is for our gain. So any pain I have right now for sacrificing things that will only have sought to serve my sinful selfish desire, is easily worth it for the glory that it brings to God. I want God to be first in my life and I want to be sold out for him, completely satisfied in him and not seeking to glorify myself and my own desires. Whatever trouble, pain and hardship may come my way, may I continue to focus on God and bringing glory to his name above all other things.

'For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.'
2 CORINTHIANS 4:17&18

Pray, pray, pray, pray!!!!

So it's been a while since I last blogged which is due to the many and varying things going on in life at the moment. Missions, Leaders Training, a day in Leicester, things for the future, its been pretty much non-stop really. But after a busy weekend at lovely Quinta (where I almost certainly didn't stop all weekend!) I've finally found 5 minutes to write a few things down.
The weekend at Quinta saw New CU Leaders from almost all of the Universities across the Mighty Midlands come and receive some valuable training and great words of teaching from Richard Cunningham. It was a great weekend and fab to see so many students catch the vision of CU and really engage with the gospel of grace that we have been given to share on our campuses. The passion and excitement was amazing to see. It's conferences like this and Forum that make me realise how much I missed out on when I was a CU exec member, so if you are a CU student leader of any form reading this then make sure you get yourself along to things like this, you will gain so much!
I was leading the Prayer seminar along with fab staff worker Odeh who works in Leicestershire and Warwickshire. I was so encouraged in the time I spent with Odeh prepping and in the seminar itself. I have learnt so much about my personal prayer life and how I really do not rely on God enough. We see through out the Bible how God is so often the one that works, we can't evangelise and be successful without God opening blind hearts and we cant grow without God stirring hearts and feeding the seeds planted. So surely we should be looking to him to find strength, knowledge, wisdom and understanding. Richard showed us during the weekend, as we looked through Colossians, the importance of prayer in this. We see in Chapter 1 Paul praying for the church in Colosse, even though he has never met them! He prays that they will know God's will (v9) and find power (v11). How can we have these things without looking to God himself and relying upon him! We need to be seeking to pray into all the things we read in God's word so that we can see and understand how it can change and affect us and bring us to further understanding. I so often fail in my personal prayer life, making excuses to stay in bed that little bit longer, cutting out the time I should be spending with God, or just finding practical reasons why I don't have time. This weekend as I challenged students on their personal prayer life I realised all the more how rubbish mine is! And yet there is grace!! I am a sinner saved by grace and I do fail, often! And yet I know that by God's wonderful and amazing grace I do not need to feel guilty. That doesn't mean I shouldn't seek to change, I certainly should but I don't need to tie myself up in knots either. Prayer shouldn't come down to legalism as we legalistically set aside time to spend with God, we will just end up feeling so guilty when we fail and will we truely be seeking God with all our hearts if we are legalistic about it?? The more and more I remind myself that I am not amazing enough to convert people on my own or grow in spiritual wisdom by myself the more I look to God and earnestly seek him so that my understanding will grow. The more I know that mission and growth are God's work, not mine, the more I realise that it is him that I need to rely on and all I can do at the point is turn to him and praise him for his faithfulness and the fact that he has given me the great privilege to be part of what he is doing, the wonderful thing it is to be chosen by him, and asking that he continue to work in and use me. Thank goodness things are down to God and not me!!!!

"Our communication of the gospel depends not on human strategies or well polished techniques or even brilliantly reasoned arguements but on divine initiative. It is the hidden work of the Holy Spirit that gives our words meaning and power and that produces changed hearts." (Out of the Saltshaker, Rebecca Manley-Pippert, p.168)

Praise God!

Part of HIS story.

So today was my first day of a real mission week. Ok, so for BUECU its a mini-mission but for me its bigger than any thing I've ever done before. There was so many things that I was petrified about, I dont know why but I was and yet this morning I was amazingly excited. As we arrived at SFH at 8am to pray for the day and week ahead Graham Daniels (this weeks speaker and director of Christians in Sport) went through some of Matthew 9 with us. He reminded us that this was God's week, he was in charge. He has the names of every single person that is going to fill the seats in heaven and he will bring them to himself at his time. It's not our job to convert people but God's! Sure he uses us to get the message across but essentially its him that softens hearts and calls people to himself. That was such an encouragement for me! To know that God is sovereign and in complete control of everything that is going to be happening this week makes me realise what a privilege it is to be involved. By God's grace he chooses and appoints us to be a part of HIS story, its all his!!
I went out flyering today and despite hearing that message and knowing it to be true, something happened. I flipped out and started to panic. What should I say to people? What would they say back? How should I do this? I casually walked up to a couple of girls, sat in Subway, eating their lunch, said hello, my heart pounding and asked them if they had heard about the 'Bothered?' week. They said no so I showed them a flyer and told them there would be lunchbars all week, talks on the Christianity and what we as Christians believe so that they could come, hear and find out more and get a free lunch! The talks dealt with some difficult questions like where is God in suffering and do all religions lead to God and were on 12-1 or 1-2 every day. They said thanks and that was that, i moved onto a few other groups of people and spluttered out the same little talk I had just given. Again, I got some polite thank yous as they took the fliers. So whats wrong with that right? Nothing!! I know that but something inside me was screaming "you're doing this all wrong. You're completely failing!" I guess what this means for the rest of this week is that I have to just ignore that anxiety and press on. I need to tell myself the full truths of the gospel and recognise that its something people need to hear and be excited that I am one of the workers privileged enough to be working in God's harvest. Its one of those silly things that the devil uses to make us feel small and inadequate and useless to God, but you know what I know that God has grace sufficient enough for me to serve him and its honour to be blessed with it. I am a chosen worker and God has sent me out into the harvest field so I better go and trust that he is in control and that he is going to work!

"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into HIS harvest field!" Matthew 9:37-38